For weeks now I’ve been obsessing over the negligible progress my career transition is taking. I have a neatly ordered plan and that neatly ordered plan is not happening. There are reasons it isn’t happening and I’ve been beating myself up about each of them. Therefore, not only is my neatly ordered plan not working but I’m channeling gigawatts of negative energy into my body, mind and spirit. Not good. The undercurrent of that negative energy has been there for weeks.
“The Plan” is to work full time AND finish my studio; begin coaching, recording and learning the recording software; AND begin submitting audition recordings and being awarded jobs WHILE simultaneously building a life outside of work that will provide me with the social activities to counteract the solitary aspect of working alone at home. The Plans calls for a smooth transition from full time employment to full time self-employment. No bumps. All of this preparation taking place during the winter – a season when my energy levels are low and my natural instinct is to hibernate like a bear as soon as I get home from work. Hmmmm. Is there something wrong with this picture. “The Plan” would be ambitious if I were at my most energetic and positive.
Why George Clooney? I guess it was because I watched the Oscars and George Clooney appeared toward the end and I just couldn’t help noticing how fine he looked. Later that night, there was George, bearing the message from my subconscious to my conscious “My dear, you’re just trying to do too much.” Why George Clooney and not Bradley Cooper or Hugh Jackman? I don’t know. The bearer of the message (no matter how pleasing to the eye) is far less important than the message.
Now that I realize the unreasonable expectations I’m putting on myself and the level of negative energy I’m generating, I need to reverse the polarity. Easier said than done. But, nonetheless, I need to generate positive energy. The reality is that at this time of year when I am so affected by the dark, the cold and the damp and the threat of a fibromyalgia flare, I need to take it easy on myself.
It’s almost Spring. Maybe I can’t bite off all that “The Plan” calls for once Spring arrives but I will have more energy and I will be able to do more. Perhaps I will need to finish the one job before starting the new. Time alone will tell. In the meantime, the revised plan calls for me to be gentle on myself, reverse the polarity from negative to positive energy.
I can’t let unreasonable expectations take away my ability to believe. To everything there is a time . . . If 2013 is a year to believe and make it so then I need to learn the lesson of balance – balanced, reasonable expectations and balanced reasonable expenditure of energy. Keep the positive energy flowing. Don’t let the negative drag me down.